3 pm coffee break with my soul
Without the entertainment offered by the system, what remains?
why do we feel depressed without our team sports, concerts, cinema, travelling, clubbing, restaurants and bars? Why does it leave us feeling so… empty?
that's because we built our whole functioning and wellbeing on fake things. we say we have a full life but it’s full of distractions.
I've been feeling depressed and down for the past months. every week it's the same merry go round — there’s a moment of the day, usually around 3 pm, where i feel totally empty. i lose interest in everything and i just feel like I'm not where I'm supposed to be. i stare at my laptop screen, work waiting for me to do it and i just can't. i lose all motivation, all my spark, my life energy.
and every week its the same thing. every week feels like a prison. At its highest highs, i can literally hear my soul screaming for me to let it out. i sit and i watch it.
i know the end of this life is coming, at least for me. sooner than i think, i will leave. my soul won't be able to take this for much longer. the day it proclaims its had enough, ill obey. ill pack my things and leave for the land, for the earth, for the soil, the animals, the sky, the worms. dirt under my nails and twigs in my hair.
every week that goes by, i die a little. and at the same time, every week that goes by, my fire is fed by the frustration of living like a shadow. the anger of taming the abundant life force within. the bewilderment of my soul watching the wasting of my precious time sitting in front of a computer typing on a keyboard, all day long.
i need movement, i need awe, wonder. i feel dead. i feel dead. i feel dead.
a change is coming. I'm patiently waiting for it. I'm gearing up, I'm buckling down. I am so ready.
in the meantime, I gasp for air with writing this piece.